reflections

If you told me a year ago that I would spend most of the day upstairs on the bed watching TV and reading because the heat makes me turn into a cross between Gumby and drunken sailor – I would have told you that you had bumped your head! Man, this MS $hit $ucks.

Sometimes I think my life is Plato’s Allegory of the Cave in reverse. All of a sudden life is just a shadow of what goes on around me. A detached altered reality of sorts I guess kind of passing me by like the shadows cast by the fire on the wall. A question – is it better to see the “real” reality first and the shadows second or to have only seen the shadows?

Then comes clarity of thought, an un-shrouded focus, without fear, without panic, where I can stare the shadow in the eye, and I can live in this world on my own terms. And just as quick I am back to the the WTF stuff.

I wanna go ride my motorcycle, go mountain biking, hike up a mountain and take some pics, freak anything- something.  My adventure of the week so far has been making a trip to Costco and Walmart in the same day. My feet feel like they are on fire, my hands hurt, I feel like a snake is squeezing me, walking is a bitch today. Just a typical day.

Lately I seem to be hung up on history. It is neat in a way, there is a beginning, a story, and I know how it ends. Perhaps it is all the uncertainty in my life right now.  I find myself contemplating some dark subjects. The whole right to die deal, do I have the right to decide when enough is enough? Is it morally right or wrong? The jury in my mind is still out on this one.

Like those before me, my life has a beginning, a story, and eventually an ending. There is a part of me that wonders how long it takes before a photo of me is in someone’s album , just a memory. Right now they are reflections of the way things used to be for me.

Well for sure I am not going gently into the night.

It is not my style.