Misc.

Christmas Brought a Cane

Yesterday I visited the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doctor and had an evaluation appt with a physical therapist. I don’t know what I expected from these appointments and I was not exactly sure why I even had them made for me. Just lost somewhere in the doctor office visit fog I get.

At the first appointment I was knocked with a funny looking round hammer that looked kind of like a popsicle. Then the usual questions that doctors often ask. This is where my mind starts to wonder. I am not sure where it goes but somewhere along the way I usually start losing track of the point of the conversation. Why is he asking that? What does that mean? After a few trys at comprehension and concentration my mind usually zones out to parts unknown.  Thank God my significant other is there to keep track of it all and able to later on patiently explain to me what was said and what it maybe all meant.

My over all focus honed in on a theme of my fading abilities concerning mobility. Buzz words clueing me in that the conversation was not going the way I invisioned where danger of falling, balance, muscle atrophy and . … well when going to a pool and doing excercises in the water came up my total aversion to pools and water – I am not a get in a bathing suit and jump in type gal – I flashed and hooked onto my thoughts of your telling me I should not walk without support cause I will fall and hurt myself yet you want me to get in a freaking water filled pool and not drown? Needless to say my mind went else where. My logic is that I am walking so leave me alone and I there is not way in hell I am getting into a dork bathing suit with stupid little foam deals on my arms in order to excersise in freaking water!

The next appointment with the physical therapist was much the same except he got that I was not gonna use a old ladies walker nor go swimming.  I think he also got that I would do any and all land exercises that he gave me. What I finally got into my pea little brain was that maybe everyone else was right and I was wrong – oh gasp! so I gave in and took a cane. I suspect much of this decision was based on wanting to cooperate and not fall over. I still believe that the longer I can get around on my own the better off the world is. But, I am not stupid – slow processing info – yes, find it hard to write a coherent way – yes, tire easy – yes, lose of balance – yes, . …

I am not trying to be an a$$ but I have spent a lot of time soaking in all this crap about MS and you know what? The bottom line is there is no set path, not guarantees of what will work or not work. No way to tell when I wake up if I have a good balance day or a bad balance day, if my right eye or my left eye will see right, if I can type or not that day – woo hoo – it is Christmas everyday.

So, yes I am stubborn because sometimes it is all the control I have.

Now I seriously need to find a cool cane. Maybe flames? dogs? emmm …

Get Over It?

I have been reading several blogs with the main topic of MS. It strikes me each time I peruse them how many times I find someone writing about something that hits home, has been bugging me, or some topic that I just could not figure out how to share in a way that would make sense.

Seems I am not the only one sick of this deal called MS. Nor, am I the only one that has figured out that the only winners here are the drug companies as they collect a min of $1,500.00 a month from each person on their no generics allowed crap.

It is good to know that being accused of being drunk is “normal” now there is a thought – I have not drank alcohol in over 25 years – so it is now “normal” that folks at the bookstore think I am drunk as I try to make my way around.

Last week I woke up and for whatever reason had no balance and trying to walk was comical. The only good thing was I actually had an appointment with the neuro in that time frame. I admit that I (as I am told) am a stubborn one in certain things. Did it even come across my pee brain to mention this to the Dr.? nope but my partner just ever so had too. This ended with the doc making me walk down the hall outside the exam room. Woo hoo – I put on my concentration hat, started down the hall, I was making it! Then “ok, ok, stop before you hurt yourself” comes echoing from behind me. What I am doing so well and as I here everyday – looking so good. LOL err…. I thought I was doing alight. Guess not, Now I get to go to the physical rehab whateve guy. The good thing is most of my balance is better now, and I  can make it about wall-less. So, I might escape the “lets show you how to use a cane” deal. Crossing fingers.

On the other hand when one thing works something else seems not too 🙁 those pesky lesions in the brain and spine make life interesting. If I see one more NMS video of young happy people smiling about how they have MS but MS doe not have them I migh throw something at the screen. I am happy for them truly I am – that their version of this is going well for them. I also really tire of the total doom and gloom folks too.  It is not the end of the world – really it is not – just we got dealt a hand of cards with no rules.

And, please oh please, don’t suggest contacting the MS Society around these parts. They have nothing but offers of fund raisers you can go on -and raise funds. There exercise programs consist of telling you where you can go join/pay to swim – duh most cities have pools. Their calendar has skydiving listed – ok – well turns out you donate 500 bucks and you can go sky dive – emmm … that is it folks – a least as the lady on the phone at the local chapter explained it to me. Just in case I got it wrong I had someone else call and they got the same info – we have a bicycle ride – well ok but she can not ride  a bike anymore. Ok, the city has a pool you can pay to go swim there and there is a group of MS peeps that get together there so ask the pool peeps. Augh!! so much for trying the suggested help out there LOL.

I did meet some people that get together once a month socially. Seems they all had nothing but bad stuff to say about the MS Society in this area. Must be nice I looked up their budget for 2007 – must be nice to make that much in salaries . … and keep short office hours and make it like pulling teeth for someone to try and find something, anything . ..

Ok off that one.

Superposition Inside My Mind

Late night ramblings . …

All matter and energy exhibits both wave like and particle like properties Particles can be in more than one location at the same time, in multiple states, and act in strange ways. . This is called superposition.

If we assume that subatomic particles behave in certain ways how can we be sure that the actions we take to observe them are not interfering or changing the natural behavior?

I am relating to the old college days humor of Schrödinger’s Cat more and more as a way of dealing with stuff I choose not to deal with right now. Avoidance at it’s max.

Remember the poor cat? Placed in a box along with a radioactive atom? If the atom decays the Geiger counter goes off, a hammer falls and breaks a flask of acid killing the cat. Before the box is opened and the state (dead or alive) of the cat is known – how do we know is it dead or alive? If we assume that subatomic particles behave in certain ways how can we be sure that the actions we take to observe them are not interfering or changing the natural behavior?  Nope.

The paradox is that emissions from the radioactive material are completely random, so we cannot know with any certainty the fate of the cat it’s fate is tied to the wave function of the atom, which is itself in a superposition of decayed and un-decayed states. So, until the box is opened the poor cat is dead and alive at the same time.

Until the box is opened there is no way of knowing the fate of the cat it is in a state of superposition. But if the box is opened the superposition dissipates and the cat becomes either dead or alive.

I wonder if everything is made up of particles and sub particles, protons and neutrons, quarks. … Is anything certain – until you open the box? Is something not real if not observed?  Can expected outcomes become reality just because you become aware of them?  What if everything and everyone is in the state of superposition and we could control what was in the box by merely finding a way to control which state we observed?

Ok, enough I should be sleeping thoughts – wacky but I had to share brah ha ha ha . …